Mindful Meditation as Self-Care: A Personal Journey
Over the past couple of months, I’ve taken a personal journey of practicing regular self-care. There were ups, downs, twists, and turns. But overall, it has been an insightful and valuable learning experience. Historically, I’ve not been the best about routine self-care, particularly when life gets busy, hectic, or stressful. One of my biggest takeaways from this journey is that self-care is most needed in those times of unrest. In addition, I linked my self-care to intention, underscoring its meaning and personal value.
I intended to deepen my connection to the cosmos, and my self-care activity was mindful meditation. Specifically, I practiced mindful meditation five days weekly, Monday through Friday, for twenty minutes each day. I spent an additional twenty minutes tracking my experience through art collage. My self-care practice totaled approximately three hours and twenty minutes per week. The unmet need illuminated by my intention was to connect with my spirituality. For me, spirituality is a connection to the greater cosmic energy. I attended to my unmet need for spirituality by developing a regular practice of mindful meditation and by inviting cosmic connection into my meditation practice.
Linking mindful meditation to my intention of greater cosmic connection impacted my experience in meaningful ways. First, it provided a level of structure to my meditation. On the days when my meditation felt scattered, bringing my attention back to deepening my connection with the cosmos served as a lantern in the darkness to guide my way. It also provided an additional layer of motivation and underscored that there would be multiple losses if I missed my practice. In this way, it helped to hold me accountable. It also opened the door to understanding that there are numerous ways to connect to cosmic energy and multiple ways to be mindful. A connection to the cosmos and my spirituality showed up differently each time. Further, my conscious focus of attention shifted throughout my journey. Sometimes my focus was on the breath, my body, and my thoughts, and sometimes on a deeper awareness of other ways of being.
Throughout this project, I learned valuable lessons about specifying my intention. I learned that intention helps stabilize whatever it supports, much like a foundation. Linking intent to specific goals provides a structure to lean on when things get tough and serve as icing on the cake when all goes well. The intention is a guide, a friend, and a life force behind what I strive for. It holds my hand along the way and ensures I don’t get too lost or thrown off the path.
Tracking my experiences through art collage was also interesting. After each session, I created a collage representing whatever feeling, thought, or image most resonated with me during the meditation. I used magazine clippings, paint, markers, stickers––whatever felt right at the time. I found that creating was often an extension of mindfulness, meditation, or both. It felt as though that reflection served to solidify the underlying experience of each session visually. The collage pieces also allowed me to take a step back and see my mental state each day. Some days were stressful, full of anxiety, happy, peaceful, exhausting, the whole gamut.
The actual connection to the cosmos showed up for me differently than I envisioned. I learned that focusing mindfully on my thoughts, what I felt in my body, and what feelings were bubbling up inside me is a way to connect to my spirituality and cosmic energy because I am made of energy, elements, chemicals, and particles. Knowing myself on a deeper level is also knowing the cosmos on a deeper level because I am part of the cosmos. Although I often struggled with mindful meditation by sitting still, closing my eyes, and holding space for whatever surfaced with conscious awareness, I also grew from the experience. I’ve learned that it’s hard to meditate on some days; on others, it flows more naturally. But I also realized that meditation, where you sit with your eyes closed or a soft gaze is generally not for me. I discussed this struggle with my therapist and explored other ways of practicing ‘meditation’ and ‘mindfulness.’ My therapist shared a story about a tea ceremony in Japan as a mindful practice of honoring the senses inherent in being alive. The story was beneficial and allowed me to expand on my understanding of what mindful meditation can be. As a future practice, I plan to focus on shorter 5 to 10-minute sessions. Additionally, I plan to incorporate mindfulness and meditation into my life by other means, like tea meditation, mindful eating, mindfulness through art creation, and being more fully present.
Outside of my struggle with the sit-and-meditate style of practice, I occasionally faced issues of time constraints, exhaustion, and resistance. The resistance showed up for me when life was most hectic. The days of endless studying, lack of sleep, stressful workdays, or intense emotion were the hardest to stick with my practice. A few times, I engaged in negative self-talk when I procrastinated doing my meditation. However, most of the time, I answered resistance with self-compassion and understanding. What I noticed on those days, after meditating, was that those days were the ones that I benefited the most from my practice. It was precisely the intense feelings that called for the healing powers of self-care.
Practicing self-care through mindful meditation has taught me much about altruism and how I can apply my experience in the clinical setting with future clients. Historically I have associated altruism with helping and caring for others. First and foremost, I’ve learned that I must care for myself first to be at my best in mind, body, and spirit and ultimately have the capacity to be there for others. If I am unwell, I won’t be able to help my clients.
Meditation Collage © Stephanie Guillen
I’ve also gained insight into the importance of boundary work and setting healthy boundaries in my life, especially between myself and my future clients. I’ve learned much about being conscious of limiting-habit patterns that might appear for myself or my clients and how they can impact our narrative and choices. But my biggest takeaway from this class has been that if I first do the work myself that I’ll expect of my future clients, I bring a deeper level of understanding to the table as a therapist. In the grand scheme of things, that improves my life and makes me a better therapist for others.
I’ve learned in dyad practices where feelings show up physically in my body and how I can use that to better recognize somatic symptoms in clients. I’ve learned how to better mirror and hold space for clients and what that feels like on the receiving end. I’ve learned the importance of feeling seen and heard and how sometimes, that alone is enough to make a genuinely positive impact. I’ve also learned the importance of grounding and the many ways and styles of accomplishing it. It’s just a matter of finding what works best for me and what works best for my client. Lastly, I’ve learned much about authentic listening, being present, and how that broadly colors the therapist-client relationship.
During this process, I read two very eye-opening and helpful books: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and How Can I help? by Ram Dass and Paul Gorman. What I found most beneficial from The Four Agreements is that no other creature besides humans pay for the same mistake repeatedly because we are the only creature that beats ourselves up over mistakes in our self-talk and actions (Ruiz, 1997). The lesson is to be more self-compassionate and learn from my mistakes without dwelling on them. The last of the four agreements discussed is “always do your best” (Ruiz, 1997). If I do my best, I cannot ask any more of myself and have no reason for negative self-talk. I imagine that when working with future clients, I will incorporate both lessons to help them treat themselves with more love and compassion. We can all benefit from that because it’s good for the self and good for those around us when we show up from healthier mindsets.
The book How Can I Help? influenced my mindful meditation practice in interesting ways. First, when speaking about natural compassion, Dass and Gorman said, “to be of most service to others we must face our own doubts, needs, and resistances” (2003, p. 15). That underscored for me the utmost importance of prioritizing self-care, however that may look so that I can show up from a place of physical, mental, and spiritual health. Specific to mindful meditation, thoughts were compared to leaves floating down a stream, constantly drifting across the plane of consciousness (Dass & Gorman, 2003). That analogy was of immense help to me in dealing with my constant swarm of thoughts during meditation. I realized the constant vibrations of thought are okay and that I can step away from them and observe them as they pass.
References:
Dass, R., & Gorman, P. (2003). How can I help? Stories and reflections on service. New York: Knopf.
Ruiz, D. M. (1997). The four agreements. San Rafael, CA: Amber-Allen Publishing.
#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #arttherapy #meditation #selfcare #therapy #counseling
