Know Thyself: My Journey into Shamanism
My Journey into Shamanism
Introduction
Shamanism is a new area for me. While I have some experience with pagan-inspired nature magic and energy work, I needed clarification on what shamanism is and what practices it entails. Don Jose Ruiz’s (2020) book, The Medicine Bag: Shamanic Rituals & Ceremonies for Personal Transformation, was incredibly helpful and simplified shamanism for me and how I could incorporate it into a regular life practice. Ruiz’s description of life energy, or nagual, further clarified core beliefs inherent in Toltec shamanistic traditions. He states, “Nagual refers to the life force energy, or the divinity, that is inside you, me, and all things… [and] because everyone has the nagual energy inside them, everyone has the potential to be a Nagual, or shaman” (2020, p. xv). In addition to The Medicine Bag, I read Walking in the Light: The Everyday Empowerment of a Shamanic Life by Sandra Ingerman. Paired, these books helped me build a solid foundation for incorporating shamanic practices into my life.
To test the waters of shamanistic practices and gain an awareness of how I may or may not want to add it to my spiritual practice and beliefs, I decided to try a shamanism-related practice a minimum of three times per week for six weeks. During this time, I also read the following books to support my awareness and understanding of some of the practices: Dream Guidance: Connecting to the Soul Through Dream Incubation, by Machiel Klerk; Ancestral Medicine: Rituals for Personal and Family Healing, by Daniel Foor, Ph.D.; and The Wisdom of the Shamans: What the Ancient Masters Can Teach Us About Love and Life, by Don Jose Ruiz. In addition, I felt compelled to create artwork in response to some of my experiences with shamanism-based practices, so I adapted my practice to fit when that need arose. While I experienced some resistance to engaging in my three weekly practices, this was largely based on having a long to-do list and feeling tired or unmotivated in the moment. Still, I stuck with it and usually felt inspired by the experiences afterward.
During the six weeks, I engaged in the following practices: altar creation, medicine bag creation, the ‘spirit of the land’ journey and artwork, dream incubations and artworks, a photo empowerment ritual, medicine wheel creation, and ceremony, the ‘finding my spirit animal’ journey and artwork, the ‘stalking the self’ journey, a full moon ceremony, automatic writing, a fire ceremony, om chanting, divination ceremonies, power object art creation and ceremony, and a guided past life regression hypnosis journey. There are four practices that I engaged with that felt especially powerful or insightful. These are two dream incubations, the ‘stalking the self’ journey, and an oracle card divination ceremony.
Dream Incubations
There were two dream incubations that both surprised me and felt particularly transformative. In the first, I meditated before going to sleep, and I asked the spirits to show me in my dreams how I could connect with the spiritual world and lift that veil. I had the following dream:
I am in a large cabin-like building. Many people are here, including my husband, his family, and my parents. A storm is coming, and someone lets a yellow lab dog out. The dog is now lost in the woods. I go out to search for the dog. It becomes so cold, and night is falling. I can’t find the dog, so I go back into the cabin, yet I am left with a strong feeling that the dog finds its way back eventually. I am cold and fall into a heavily drugged, coma-like state like I am drugged in my body and can’t respond to people, yet I am aware of my surroundings and people talking to me. The people talking to me become sad and frustrated that I don’t respond to them, and they don’t understand that I am in a drugged-like state. I am near the fireplace, and the fire is getting hot, but I can’t move because my body is so weighed down. Suddenly, I feel a whoosh––an intense release in my whole body. It happens right when I think I am about to give up and give in to the drugged-like state.
Whatever was drugging me and weighing me down that was trapped inside me is gone. Now, there is a scary-looking spider near the fireplace. It’s enormous, the size of my head, and has long black and red legs. It starts crawling towards me, and as I move away, it follows me. It starts to crawl on my hand, and then my husband comes and whacks it away. Its claw on one of its legs has stuck into my hand, and when he whacks it, its foot is torn off and stuck in my hand. It SCREAMS––like a demonic scream. It runs to the far wall. I ask my husband to please kill it so it doesn’t suffer, and he does.
I believe this dream answered my question about connecting to the spirit world and lifting the veil. It tells me that I must first search for what is lost (the dog), which is my childhood love of magic, rituals, the metaphysical, and channeling through writing. When I reconnect with these things, the way opens. But the spider’s dark energy possessed me in the dream, and I believe it is a cautionary warning that there are dangers in the spirit world to be mindful of and to protect myself. It also shows me that my husband is a loving protector and partner who will be at my side through my self-discoveries.
Another transformative dream incubation experience was one in which I asked my spirit guides, ancestors, and the Great Mother if I could meet my daemon (guardian spirit) in my dreams. She came to me in my dream!
My husband and I are going somewhere for his niece’s birthday, and we get into an argument. I leave the event but somehow manage to leave the car in the parking garage and my purse inside it. This all takes place in Ohio, the state I grew up in. I somehow manage to find myself in the small town I grew up in, trying to figure out how to get back to the city and to the parking garage to get my purse and my phone that’s in it. I stop at a Kroger, not knowing what to do because I don’t have money or my phone to call an Uber, and I’m about 30 miles from the car.
Additionally, I can’t recall the exact location of the car, only that it’s in the parking garage of an event facility. I see an old coworker who is working as a manager at Kroger. He lets me use the pay phone and says I can pay him after I find my purse. He connects me with a cab driver on the phone but the cab driver won’t pick me up without cash payment upfront, and I don’t know the address that I need him to take me to. I explain to my coworker that the cab won’t get me. Then he says, “There’s someone you should meet, a special someone.” He hesitates a moment as if questioning if I am ready. Then he tells me to wait by the phone booth. I do, and a short time later, a gypsy-like woman comes in. She is middle-aged or a bit older. She feels very magical and wise. She walks up to me and begins doing some reiki kind of energy work on my head and face. I feel a peace wash over me and can tell it was some sort of magical healing. She had removed a blockage or something icky. She leans in close to my face and sucks the icky thing out into her open mouth like she is inhaling it out of me. It looks black and sludgy. She is so close to me that I think she will connect her mouth to mine, and instead, she magically makes her lips huge like a fish and gives me a fat-lipped kiss and laughs! She is funny and has a sense of humor! She is my daemon. We get in her car and she helps me find my car and my purse.
Both of these dream incubations felt transformative to me because they worked! And because they felt like I had genuinely connected with energies outside the typical ways of knowing. These experiences expanded my awareness and beliefs in the unknown and not scientifically proven. I had other dream incubations that didn’t conjure up dreams of such clear meaning. Some of my dreams didn’t seem to make sense with my questions, which felt challenging and made me question “if this stuff works or not.” Yet, some of the dreams were spot-on and fascinating.
‘Stalking the Self’ Journey
I used a blindfold, shamanic drumming music, and called in my guides for my shaman journeys. The purpose of the 'stalking the self' journey was to gain insight into the self through the eyes of a spirit guide. In my experience, this was through my ring-tailed lemur animal spirit guide.
I enter the sacred meeting place in the forest clearing. My spirit animal guide, a beautiful ring-tailed lemur, awaits me. I learn his name is Nari. He allows me to swim in his vivid orange-red eyes. Through his eyes, I see a portal to my life. I see myself through his eyes, and my image is split into infinite reflections going sideways and front-to-back, with dimmer reflections spreading off in between, like an infinity mirror. The strongest reflections are the left-right and front-back, with me as my present moment self in the center. Each reflection appears to be a door to different moments in my past and future, with the dimmer reflections unrealized possibilities, paths that might have been or could be. Nari opens a reflection, a doorway, to a past moment of deep sadness and abandonment when I was 13 years old. I see the moment vividly––the hospital room, the blanket with roses. I am curled on the bed, crying. My wrists are still raw from cutting them. Nari witnesses her immense pain, my pain. He sees me. He tells her, me, that this experience is necessary to strengthen me for what is to come. To develop my bravery and my inner soldier. Then, we enter a future reflection doorway. There is conflict, and the world is harsh, where survival skills are needed. There is violence and fighting and people living from the earth. A future me is sitting at a campfire with a group of people.
What felt especially enlightening from this journey was the dimensionality present in me, in the infinite number of reflections and possibilities that all serve as facets of who I am and who I can become. That felt expansive to me and filled me with a renewed sense of wonder. The future doorway, where the world is full of conflict and violence, and survival skills are paramount, reminds me of my fears that the upcoming election will lead to further political violence paired with a future of worsening climate change. Yet, another lesson from the journey tells me that is only one possibility of an infinite number of possibilities, and that gives me comfort. Additionally, as Nari pointed out, I know I am resilient and strong if things go badly.
Oracle Divination
I've been struggling recently with indecision on a timeline for moving from Texas to Maine. At the heart of the struggle is the question of which is better: Moving to a small town/rural area of Maine right after graduation and getting state licensure and my supervision hours there, where job opportunities are more limited, or waiting and getting my state licensure in Texas and supervision hours first, in Houston where there are lots of opportunities. That felt like the perfect situation to consult my spirit guides through oracle divination. I did my opening ritual to ask the guides for their presence and guidance. I then shuffled and drew three cards. The first represented moving to Maine sooner, the second represented staying in Houston longer, and the third represented the better path. Here are the cards that I drew:
1. Maine Sooner: "Star Ancestors" – Hidden secrets and spiritual growth.
2. Houston Longer: "Portal" – Doors will open with many rewards.
3. Better Path: "All Paths Lead Home" – Follow your intuition, but no matter the choice, you will arrive home in the end.
I got goosebumps at how precise and fitting each card was to the question. My husband and I continued to weigh the pros and cons, and we decided to stay in Houston until I get my Texas license and complete my supervision hours here. The oracle's guidance felt supportive and helped me solidify what I felt I already knew in my heart and gut.
Transformational Learnings
Through my shamanism exploration, I’ve gained some important insights about the process of transformation and healing. I’ve learned that shamanism, and more broadly, spirituality and nature magic, are cornerstones for me to enhance a sense of meaning and well-being in life. Incorporating regular spiritual practice into my life makes me feel more grounded, peaceful, loved, connected, held, and alive. Additionally, when I feel lost or face a challenging situation, I can find comfort in the nagual.
Working with my therapist alongside this project, I’ve also come to the realization that through adolescent trauma, I was wired to live through my thinking brain, which has for so long been my standard way of operating in the world. Now, I’m being called back to process more with my heart, gut, and intuition and not allow my brain such free reign to try to discredit things. For example, throughout this shamanism journey, I’ve questioned if my experiences are “real” or “just my imagination.” Ruiz describes this as a parasite narrator, which is “the voice of the narrator when it uses your beliefs, formed through domestication and attachment, to hold power over you by placing conditions on your self-love and self-acceptance” (2018, p. XVII). I’m learning that those questions come from my thinking brain, which wants to analyze everything with a critical eye. That isn’t inherently bad, yet these experiences are perhaps better analyzed in balance alongside my heart, gut, and intuition.
Growing up, I was intuitively drawn to nature-based, pagan-inspired spirituality, which carries strong commonalities with shamanism. I lost my spiritual connection in the face of trauma and learned to “think” through and analyze life with my head because I had to survive and protect myself. My heart, gut, and intuitive knowing were largely dismissed as “not scientific enough.” Much like a butterfly, I’ve survived in a cocoon and felt lost for many years. It was a dark and lonely place, and I was surviving there as best as I knew how because it was familiar and, in that sense, safe. But it wasn’t so safe. I was blind to life outside of that cocoon, and I made myself extremely vulnerable. But now I am emerging––changed, renewed, stronger, and reconnecting to the magic of my youth. I am relearning how to listen to my heart, gut, and inner ways of knowing.
Professional Applications
As an art therapist and counselor, I envision a variety of ways that my shamanism journey can inform my future practice. Ingerman states, “In spiritual traditions, it is taught that everything that exists in the physical world begins first in the spiritual world. It is our thoughts, words, and daydreams that start in the invisible realms that manifest as form” (2014, p. 116). Engaging in regular spiritual practices can strengthen the foundations I stand on, offering grounding, connection, and personal growth. These enhance my ability to come to the sacred therapeutic space as a better and more authentic version of myself. Additionally, I can use these experiences to help clients overcome challenges by connecting with the life energy inside them. The basic ideas behind nagual and shamanism can be adapted to fit a variety of spiritual beliefs that a client may bring, and rituals and ceremonies can be incorporated to bring comfort, stability, and connection.
Shamanism also informs my path as a professional by encouraging me to deepen my connection with intuition and heart, to trust in the experience, and to grow my spirituality. I envision incorporating a deeper spiritual component in my future professional practice. Additionally, I believe this is only the start and my intuition tells me that this is an area I will continue to explore and perhaps get additional training in.
From an ethical standpoint, it is paramount that I respect all spiritual beliefs, as well as a lack thereof. When incorporating spirituality or shamanism-related practices in the sacred space, I must ensure that I am not pushing anything on the client and that any spirituality inclusion is client driven and grounded in their core beliefs and goals. Further, when working with any spiritual practice, it’s essential to be respectful and acknowledge the cultural roots of the practices and traditions to avoid cultural appropriation.
Additionally, I can connect with the inherent loving openness of nature-based spirituality as the personal lens through which I approach my professional life. That will allow me to navigate biases and work to remove barriers, oppression, and discrimination that may show up along the way. Additionally, it will enhance my “live and let live” attitude, so I don’t personally engage in or amplify discrimination. On the flip side, clients may present with biases about shamanism and spirituality. I must honor the client and meet them where they are at. At the same time, in the face of client-enacted forms of oppression, biases, and discrimination, I can serve as a gentle guide to help them see where these are present for them and gain some healing clarity around them.
This journey into shamanism has awakened so much in me. I plan to continue exploring different forms of spirituality, incorporate what intuitively feels right, and offer myself patience, grace, and gentle self-compassion along the way. I look forward to renewed cosmic guidance and to learning what the spiritual realm is willing to teach with me.
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